Tuesday, January 25, 2011

Hello? I Think There's Been Some Kind Of Mistake...

Look, I know a lot of people must say this, but I'm really sure there's been a mistake. I don't belong here, you see. No. Really.

I mean, sure, obviously I share enough genetic material to interbreed with the dominant species on this planet, but there are plenty of species that can interbreed. Why should this particular one be different? Like I said: there's been a mistake.

I want to go home.

I'm not sure where home is, or who else is there, but honestly, it's got to be better than this.

There has to be a planet some place where they do things differently. I figure the intelligent forms there are similar enough to humanity - but there are fundamental differences. Important ones. And somehow, I got left here. By accident.

So - if you're monitoring this... I'm done now, okay? I've had enough.

I'd like to leave now, please.


  1. "I mean, sure, obviously I share enough genetic material to interbreed with the dominant species on this planet..."

    you can breed with beetles?

  2. "I mean, sure, obviously I share enough genetic material to interbreed with the dominant species on this planet..."

    RIGHT! I'm going with the FEM line!, which means something happened with ya OTHER HALF and by all accounts its a FKN CRACKER. Question is, ( i'm still having a giggle here at your expense BTW), will we find out just what happened?...

  3. Earth is taking callers for Mars, if you care to call 1300...

  4. You could try and team up with the cockroaches but that only leads to becoming a Wiggle. Lucrative but silly.
    So you were left here by accident? No note pinned to your jacket with contact details? Someone has to call up Galactic Admin about this, it simply can't stand.

    There's an idea for a story.

  5. LOL Therbs, love the Cockroaches reference.
    Dirk, I presume it's not sheer fluke that these sentiments and Australia Day coincide? Encounters with drunk, flag-wrapped bogans perhaps? Or are Taswegians too smart for that sort of malarkey?

  6. No. You will not be allowed to go home until you have paid the price for your crimes against the citizens of the Multiverse, and, to be honest, you don't seem all that repentant, at least not yet. But your recent plea is a good start. Perhaps now, after so many incarnations on this dreary planet in perhaps the most unfashionable part of this galaxy, you will see the errors of your ways. And when that happens, perhaps the Committee will let you go home.

  7. Pray that there's intelligent life somewhere out in space, because there's bugger-all down here on Earth.

  8. Come for a while and rest and relax in Canberra. It's not boredom, honestly, it's rest and relaxation.

  9. Yeah... just a tired moment, when repetitious bullshit didn't seem worth shouldering any more.

    Wasn't Oz Day though. We don't seem to have too much of the 'fuck off we're full' crowd roundabout here. Prob'ly due to Tasmania's general whiteness, I suppose.

    Nah. Simply put: there are times when the sword just gets too goddam heavy, and it would be nice to put it down.

  10. And no. You may tell the Committee I'm not in the least repentant. Just tired of this dirtball. And when I get off, there's going to be such a weeping and wailing and gnashing of teeth as the Galaxy has rarely seen...

  11. Stop the world, I want to get off?

    I can relate to the sentiment.

  12. Yeah. That's pretty much it.

    If you've ever accidentally boarded a commuter bus or train crowded with boozy revellers from some football match between two sides you've barely ever heard of and have no interest in... you know the feeling. On my worst days, that's how Planet Earth feels to me.