Saturday, March 27, 2010

Conversations At The Checkout

I was at the Woolworth's checkout this morning, and somehow the conversation between me and the charming lasses behind the counter ticked over to Malcolm Fraser -- quondam Prime Minister of Australia -- and his best-known quote: "Life wasn't meant to be easy."

Once I mentioned that Fraser was famous for that line, we all started to wonder why he'd said it. Naturally, I decided it must have been a result of the infamous Memphis Trousers Incident.

Well, once you start down a line of speculation like that, it's hard to stop. In short order, we began to discuss what other Australian Prime Ministers might have said, found in the foyer of a seedy hotel in Memphis without either trousers or explanation.

Paul Keating: "When I find the *&@!!$ who @$8@&@ my *&@## trousers I'm %#&$ gonna pretend I'm f^&&#$ Julian O'Neill and his (#@#$ head is one of Schlossie's shoes!"

Kevin Rudd: "Oh no! Someone arrest me before I see my own dick!"

John Howard: "Terrorists threw my trousers overboard!"

Bob Hawke: "Strewth. Wish I could remember the rest of the night. Looks like I had a good time!"

Harold Holt: "No worries. I was just about to take a swim anyway."

....and for the Americans, one of the young ladies offered:

Bill Clinton: "...Monica?"