419 Scammers Alive And Well... But Behind The Times

So, I just got this in the spambox of one of my email addresses:

Dearest in Christ

With Due Respect And Humanity, Let me first of all inform you, I got your email address from a mail Directory and decided to mail you for a permission to go ahead.I am Mrs. Rachael James from United Kingdom. I am married to Mr. Tom James who worked with a construction company in Asia for
twenty Years before he died in the tsunami disasters, we were married but without Any children.

I am now suffering from long time breast Cancer and Cancer of the lungs, from all indication my condition is really deterioration and it is quite obvious that i won't live more than 2 months according to my doctor, this is because the cancer stage has gotten to a very bad stage;Since his death I decided not to re-marry. I deposited the sum of (Two MILLION UNITED STATES DOLLARS) in a bank and now i am willing to donate this sum to the less privileged and to contribute to development of church in Africa, America, Asia, and Europe.

My late husband was a very wealthy and after his death, I inherited all his business and wealth, Presently this money is still with the bank and the management just Wrote me as the beneficiary to come forward to receive the money or rather Issue a letter of authorization to somebody to receive it on my behalf If I cannot come over. I am presently in a hospital where I have been undergoing treatment Cancer of the lungs in a hospital , I have since lost my ability to talk and my doctors have told me that I have only a few months to Live. Please i want you to note that this money is lying in the Bank.

I want a person that is trustworthy that will utilize 90% of this money to fund churches, orphanages and widows around the world but in my name Mrs.Rachel James"As soon as I receive your reply I shall give you the contact of the bank.I will also issue you a letter of authority that will prove you as The new beneficiary of this fund. Please assure me that you will act accordingly as I stated herein and Keep this contact confidential till such a time this funds get to your Custody,this is to ensure that nothing jeopardizes my last wish on Earth.

I await your urgent reply.

Yous In Christ,

Mrs.Rachel James

I'd just like to point out a couple things. First, it looks as though the 419-ers have finally got the hang of punctuation. Except for random Capitals, of course. Words like Keep and Custody are definitely important enough to need capital letters, right?

Next there's this Cancer stuff. I think Mrs Rachel James would have been more convincing if she'd had only one cancer, not two at once. But hell, who am I to argue? Maybe she collects cancers. Everyone's gotta have a hobby.

Finally: why are these eejits are still working in USAnian pesos? Haven't they heard of the recent rude health of the Aussie Dollar? When are we going to see whining Nigerians trying to convince us to send a lot of money and personal details to free up a massive hoard of good old Australian cash, eh?

It's not good enough, I tell you. Something should be done!

Edited to add: You know, I find it fascinating how so many of these 419 letters I see cloak themselves in Christian greetings. You don't suppose they have some reason for thinking that loudly religious folks might be... I dunno... more gullible than the rest of us?

Nahhh. Who'd think a thing like that?