Alan Sconat Sparks Revolution In Winter Games In Vancouver, Canada, the winter Olympics were being hosted with pride. Although many participants were satisfied with their results in the contests, some like Dale-Begg-Smith and Alan Sconat were not very enthusiastic. When Alan was asked to participate in a specific contest, he rebelliously declined. “I don’t think that EVERY game should be life risking and likely to kill me! Why can’t we do some lighter games like a snowball fight marathon?”He registered his complaint to the people who were hosting the games at Vancouver, but was excruciatingly cold-shouldered. Finally, someone paid attention and gave him a protest positioning court. Alan presented his argument in court, but when the judge denied everything Alan said, the flames started to rise. For half an hour the judge and Alan battered each other with strong intimidation, verbal and emotional blackmail and annoying insults. Finally, a spectator told them to settle down and come to an agreement; but they weren’t finished yet. When the Judge stated that he reckoned Alan didn’t like dangerous games because he probably had a low self-esteem, Alan leapt up at the judge and thrashed him like a rabid dog. Alan eventually lost the argument and was evicted from the winter Olympics for 3 days at maximum, and Alan decided he wouldn’t come back until they got a better judge, which was never going to happen, so he also said he’d never come back. But... Many fans of Alan were outraged when they heard he was going to be evicted from the winter Olympics, but the stubborn Judge would not let him back: “I will not, I repeat: NOT, let that him back! Is that so hard to understand?” asked the Judge. But this time luck was not on the judge’s side. At midnight there was a gargantuan crowd of winter Olympics fans thundering at the judge’s door. He asked his secretary to see what all the fuss was about (which he suspected was about evicted Alan.) A few minutes later the hysterical shrieks of the secretary were coming down the corridor. The secretary came rushing back, his tie ripped, and his coat in tatters. It turns out they wanted ridiculous winter games, like a snowball fight marathon.A massive vote took place in court to determine whether or not the ridiculous games could be allowed, and the vote was won; there are ridiculous games for willing participants now; Alan’s dream had come true.
Wednesday, February 17, 2010
The following is not a news article, nor intended to be taken seriously by anyone. (Except maybe me. And a certain primary school teacher.) It is published here by permission of its author, who happens to be my Elder Son.
I am quite disturbed by this. He isn't yet ten years old. I'm not certain I could have done this at his age...
...poor bastard. Another writer? Oh, Cthulhu.
EDITED TO ADD: And why the hell AREN'T there any Olympic Snowball Fight events, anyway?