Wednesday, February 17, 2010

Oh, Dear. It Seems To Be Starting.

The following is not a news article, nor intended to be taken seriously by anyone. (Except maybe me. And a certain primary school teacher.) It is published here by permission of its author, who happens to be my Elder Son.

Alan Sconat Sparks Revolution In Winter Games

‭ ‬In Vancouver,‭ ‬Canada,‭ ‬the winter Olympics were being hosted with pride.‭ ‬Although many participants were satisfied with their results in the contests,‭ ‬some like Dale-Begg-Smith and Alan Sconat were not very enthusiastic.
‭ ‬When Alan was asked to participate in a specific contest,‭ ‬he rebelliously declined.‭ “‬I don’t think that EVERY game should be life risking and likely to kill me‭! ‬Why can’t we do some lighter games like a snowball fight marathon‭?”
He registered his complaint to the people who were hosting the games at Vancouver,‭ ‬but was excruciatingly cold-shouldered.
‭ ‬Finally,‭ ‬someone paid attention and gave him a protest positioning court.‭ ‬Alan presented his argument in court,‭ ‬but when the judge denied everything Alan said,‭ ‬the flames started to rise.‭ ‬For half an hour the judge and Alan battered each other with strong intimidation,‭ ‬verbal and emotional blackmail and annoying insults.‭ ‬Finally,‭ ‬a spectator told them to settle down and come to an agreement‭; ‬but they weren’t finished yet.‭ ‬When the Judge stated that he reckoned Alan didn’t like dangerous games because he probably had a low self-esteem,‭ ‬Alan leapt up at the judge and thrashed him like a rabid dog.
‭ ‬Alan eventually lost the argument and was evicted from the winter Olympics for‭ ‬3‭ ‬days at maximum,‭ ‬and Alan decided he wouldn’t come back until they got a better judge,‭ ‬which was never going to happen,‭ ‬so he also said he’d never come back.‭ ‬But...

‭ ‬Many fans of Alan were outraged when they heard he was going to be evicted from the winter Olympics,‭ ‬but the stubborn Judge would not let him back:‭ “‬I will not,‭ ‬I repeat:‭ ‬NOT,‭ ‬let that him back‭! ‬Is that so hard to understand‭?” ‬asked the Judge.
‭ ‬But this time luck was not on the judge’s side.‭ ‬At midnight there was a gargantuan crowd of winter Olympics fans thundering at the judge’s door.‭ ‬He asked his secretary to see what all the fuss was about‭ (‬which he suspected was about evicted Alan.‭) ‬A few minutes later the hysterical shrieks of the secretary were coming down the corridor.‭ ‬The secretary came rushing back,‭ ‬his tie ripped,‭ ‬and his coat in tatters.‭ ‬It turns out they wanted ridiculous winter games,‭ ‬like a snowball fight marathon.‭
A massive vote took place in court to determine whether or not the ridiculous games could be allowed,‭ ‬and the vote was won‭; ‬there are ridiculous games for willing participants now‭; ‬Alan’s dream had come true.‭

I am quite disturbed by this. He isn't yet ten years old. I'm not certain I could have done this at his age...

...poor bastard. Another writer? Oh, Cthulhu.

EDITED TO ADD: And why the hell AREN'T there any Olympic Snowball Fight events, anyway?


  1. "thrashed him like a rabid dog". Awesome.
    Great read!

  2. I can just see a sign over an office door "Flinthart & Progeny - Writers for hire."

  3. Yeah. I kinda live in fear, there, Bartski. But - thanks, all. I'll be passing kind remarks on to the author. Poor wee bugger that he is.

  4. No doubt he's a prodigy. The writing is outstanding. The pride you must feel....

  5. Nifty, and you can see some real progress from his dunny story you posted a while back.

  6. That was chockful of Awesome!

    I wonder about the Littlest Bloke (age 4.5) here...after I sprayed a very large collection of flies recently, he said 'Hey Dad, there's a circumstance of dead flies behind the lounge now!'

  7. Encourage the hell out of this Dirk! It's great!

    The Brat showed some promise as a young 'un, but lost interest after a while, wrote a whole series of cool adventures, as a sort of comic strip. It's a shame he stopped, and I've actually considered suggesting he start up again in blog form. Trouble is, I'm not sure there are too many his age who are into the whole blog arena.

  8. Unbelievable writing and that he knows what verbal and emotional blackmail are at that age.

  9. DAM!...., YEP.DAM I guess the introduction to CAPPIN the FKRS can come later, if he is already not aware of it, which I would fully expect in some fashion he is, just that, well, lets keep DAD in the dark a little longer.

    Bloody good job

  10. TW: the vocabulary thing even knocked me back a step. I know what he's reading, of course, but it's always a surprise to see that level of sophistication when it comes roaring back at you.

    BOndi: I love "a circumstance of dead flies". That's cool.

    Mayhem: he won't be blogging until I'm reasonably sure he's 'Net-savvy. But we're working on that.

  11. Heheh

    I've still got all the stuff mine wrote at that age and it's pretty similar - though, you can hear the childish voice still in there. They are the most amazing mimics.

    Props to you FH - you have obviously provided him with a pair of fairly big shoes that he seems determined (and quite able) to fill.