Saturday, June 13, 2009

And This Is For You, Mister Fish

Speaking of 'Dad jokes' and everything... soon-to-be-nine-year-old Elder Son unleased a joke on his mother and I yesterday. It was a bit of a 'moment', because for the first time, the joke worked properly. Not as in "it was funny", but as in "it has a punchline and it makes sense."

Happily, Elder Son didn't think it was all that funny either. I think he was offering it simply to show that he's understood the nature of the Crap Riddle Joke, and can manage the genre as well as any. And to be fair, I think his new creation could easily stand up for itself in any collection of Crap Schoolkid Riddle Books.

It is as follows:

What is a cannibal's favourite lunch?

Hand sandwich!

...and the hilarity just never stops, does it? Heh.

By the way: I've been having trouble with Firefox lately. I use the latest stable version, to maximise browser security. But something in the interface with my XP machine and possibly the satellite so-called "broadband" system has been really kicking Firefox in the nuts. It's been sucking up system resources like crazy. Not memory -- this isn't the infamous Firefox memory leak. No, it's been eating CPU cycles like crazy. Open two or three tabs at once; maybe one of them hangs on a site that has too many bells and whistles and bullshit (I'm looking at YOU, Yahoo) and suddenly all of them stop receiving data, and just sit there.

The only way to fix it has been to turn off Firefox and restart, which is incredibly irritating. Of course, I discovered that if I gave it a serious nut-shot by stopping it with Task Manager instead of simply turning it off, then when I restarted it, Firefox would ask me if I wanted to open the same set of tabs. And if I said 'yes', why, usually it would load all of them without hesitating.

But that's a stupid fucking way to browse the web. So I looked for an alternative. Not Internet Explorer: I have no desire to bend my poor computer over and spread its cheeks to every secondrate skrypt-kiddy and trojanator on the Web. Figured I'd try out Google Chrome.

Guess what? I'm using it right now. It's fast. Simple. Clean. And it's not hanging up on me all the time.

I won't get rid of Firefox. The ability to customise it by adding plug-ins and the like is far too useful. But I'll be using it only for very particular purposes from here on. Chrome is excellent for everyday webwork.


  1. Mate half those problems can be slated back to adobe fucking flash. I hate it with a passion. Chrome and the new safari get round some of it, but i use click to flash to get rid of it alltogether

  2. I don't think it's Flash. I use a flash-block plug-in with Firefox. All I see is a stylized F logo where the flash crap ought to be, unless I click on that F to find out what's there.

  3. That was still a pretty cute joke. hehehe.

    When he gets older drop this one on him.....

    What do you call an abortion in Prague?

    Answer: a cancelled Czek.

  4. hink I need to chec this out..y CPU goes fucking nuts, whirrring away like a bansheeeee and then it gets SLOW!, I mean..system goes into fucking melt down and in the end I do a restart, which is a BIGGER GOD DAM BITCH, but I am utilising IE...I'll try chrome I think. Can you load all the task bar goodies onto the chrome

  5. ...thank you, Heidi, for that elegant and tasteful piece of humour. (Okay. Yes. I giggled.)

    Havock -- not at all sure Chrome will take on a task bar from IE. It will accept your bookmarks, I suspect. And I'm pretty sure Google has a task bar of its own, doesn't it? Wouldn't know for sure: I don't use the bastards.

  6. Yeah, the fox has been kicking my arse too, and of course I'm on a Mac. Just swtiched to Safari4. Helped a lot.

  7. ORIN!..ORIN!, where the fuck are ya. we need a patch or god dam fix for all these clashing fucked up cant do have the shit they are mean to applications..line the fuckwits up against the wall I say. Already had ONE god dam effing restart this morning.

  8. General PC warning: A PC or a browser is like a small hatchback car. If you want to zip around town by yourself, it's fine. Once you install a lounge chair, put a trailer on the back and try to haul a palette of bricks, it's completely useless. Try to ensure all the 'helpers' you install are worth their weight.

    I use Firefox when I need all the added toys (built in ftp, toolbars with data searches). I use Chrome naked of ALL extensions when I want to work fast.

  9. Bart: yer gramma remembers a thing or two about egg-suckin', laddie.

  10. Firefox is a dog. I know folks who swear by Opera, but it's crashed so consistently for me I would only swear at it. I don't mind Safari, truth be told. IE7 is a lot nicer than IE6, but isn't always available even when Safari isn't ;).